okay well since the last time i was on here i was waiting for AF and there was no sign of her. hubby and i were getting a bit excited and were hoping for the best. well even though i never admitted it to him i am upset because i got it this past weekend. :( even though i kind of wanted because i just didn't know if i was ready to be pregnant again i was actually filled with mix emotions when i got AF. i felt relief, sadness, anger and depressed. Ive been doing okay and hubby didn't really say much but now i know we really want to try no matter what anyone says. so now I'm working out again, well doing zumba, and I'm going to start taking prenatal vitamins again the way i did before alvarito. like i said I'm really just filled with mixed emotions lately and just not really knowing what i really want. i know i am really longing to be a mommy again but at the same time I'm not sure if it is the right time. i know everyone grieves at different paces but I'm still just confused i guess. I'm one big mess!!!! i figure this is probably normal but it just gets a bit upsetting. i dint know why my hubby and i were picked to go through this but we were for some reason. who knows why but we were. as time has gone on i still cringe at the saying only god knows why!! if he knows why then tell me because i want to know why. i want to know why our son?! why us?! why were we picked for this?!?! what did we do to deserve this?!?!? i have anger built up but also just plain and simple questions! i dint know i guess only time will tell what happens from here. I'm just going to get back to my zumba and prenatals and see what happens.