its been a while since i have even written on here. time has passed by and so many things have changed but that pain is still lingering there and is still the same as it was the last time i was on here. my husband and i now live in the town where our little one is buried which makes me feel that much better. i am now working and have a good job which keeps me preoccupied and my mind for wondering into the depression again. it is going on 3 months since we had our son and yet it still feels like it was yesterday. things between our families have changed as well. people just want us to get over the fact that we lost our son and just get on with our lives. that is easier said than done. it is also hard when i have a 15 year old cousin who just had a baby and she lives at my parents house. i also have a 17 year old cousin who is pregnant but this is her second baby and it is going to be a boy. i don't get how i am supposed to be comfortable around them when i lost my son. they get a baby and i get a grave!!! everyone tells me i am just going through the anger stage right now and that it will pass in time but i don't see how. i feel as if we have no one on our side and no one gets us and that hurts. now my mom is telling me she believes i should try to get pregnant again so it can probably help me with the anger and pain. she said it would probably "fill my empty spot" but there is no way i want to be pregnant right now, or any time soon. the wounds are still fresh and getting pregnant would be like putting salt in the wounds. at times i feel like she just wants me to get pregnant so she doesn't have to see me down anymore. i think i am like an annoyance to them. this entire "depressed" stage is just getting to everyone and its like they just don't want to see if or hear of it anymore. i just feel so lost and so disconnected from a lot of my family. the only person i have on my side and who knows exactly what i am feeling is my husband. I'm sorry for the rant i just really needed to vent in some way shape or form and this is a good way to do it with out getting judged or being looked at funny. this is like another place where i can disappear and be understood. maybe i should go to counseling and have other people to talk to instead of just bottling it up inside and then explode this way. we'll see!!!