today 1 month ago my little angel was born and yet taken away just as easy. he was so tiny yet so strong, he was a fighter till the end with a strong heart beat like no other. i wish i had his strength at this moment because i feel as if i am so weak and falling apart. i know he is always with me but lately i haven't been feeling him. i hate that all i have left of him is his little foot prints tattooed on my wrist. its just not supposed to be this way, he was supposed to bury us not us bury him before he could live. i know it is bad to say but i lost a huge part of my faith when i lost him. why would someone so innocent and pure be taken away??? i know it must be the anger i have in me now but i just cant sit here and be happy knowing my son is gone and i am left here without him. he should be in his parents arms and not laying in the ground. all i ever wanted was to be a mommy and be able to hold my baby but what i got was a grave and a lot of tears while i grieve for my son. at this moment all i can say is " baby please help me and your dad through this hard time. we miss you so much and we can hardly deal with it. all i can ask is please help me with this pain i have i feel like I'm going to die it hurts me so much. i miss you!"

well where do i begin!?! well my name is Elizabeth and i am 24 years old. my husband Alvaro and i are high school sweethearts and got married Oct. 31, 2009 and things couldn't be going better for us. we were as happy as can be when we found out there was a chance i was pregnant in November. we waited and took test but no luck. at this point we realized that what we wanted, what we were "craving" was to have a child of our own. after our near pregnancy we began trying to get pregnant. after 2 months of trying we were getting discouraged. then one day i just had a feeling i needed to take a home pregnancy test to see if it was true, was i pregnant?!!? during my lunch break i took the test my husband bought me and sure enough, those little pink lines popped out and hit me in the face.

i showed my Alvaro the results and after him nearly passing out i was crying from pure bliss. we began calling our families to let them know the big news. my parents were very excited due to the fact that i am the oldest and this would be their first grandchild. i figured this was one of the happiest moments in our lives and we were ready to begin this trip together. everything was going great, all my appointments were good news and my doctor told us that our little one was developing perfectly. as time went on the tummy came in and maternity clothes replaced my regular jeans and shirts. Alvaro went to every appointment with me, we would sit by each other just smiling as we would hear our baby's heart beat or see our baby's moving around in my tummy. i figured there was not way we could be any happier.

one regular Saturday i woke up feeling really weak and tired but i figured it was due to the fact i didn't sleep well that night. we went on with our day of walking around the mall and looking at baby clothes and crib sets. at this time we still didn't know what we were having i was 16 weeks along but we had a really good feeling we were having a little boy. we had an appointment scheduled for and ultrasound on June 18th in hopes to see what we were having, my mom even got that day off so she could be there to see what her grandchild was. as our day went on i got more tired and started getting some cramps which i blew off because my doctor told me that they could be due to the fact that the baby and my uterus was growing, so i just told Alvaro i was tired and could we go home. as we got home i just threw myself on the bed to rest but had no luck because as time went on the cramps got worse. i took a few Tylenol and went right to bed not knowing this night would change our lives. i woke up at 2 in the morning with worse cramps that made me want to scream!! these cramps were so bad i couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom. with all the pain i was in Alvaro woke up and tried to comfort me but it wasn't working so he finally decided to take me into the e.r. to get checked. when i finally got put into a room at the e.r. they began to check for the baby's heart beat and 3 people couldn't find it using the doppler so they got a woman from the maternity ward to come check. to our relief she was able to find the heart beat and said that our little one was moving like crazy so that is why it was hard to find. a nurse came into the room and said that i needed to have an ultrasound done to check my uterus because there may be an issue. by this time Alvaro called my mom to tell her what was going on so she and my dad would know. once my mom heard she said they were going to come to corpus to be with me. the ultrasound tech finally shows up and performs the ultrasound as quiet as can be but i can see that look of concern on his face. as i am wheeled back to my room there is a nurse in my room talking to Alvaro saying how it seems like i may be miscarrying our baby but not to worry because they may be wrong. after waiting for the ultrasound to be read the e.r. doctor comes in and tells us that i need to get an examination done. as the doctor performs the examination he tells me that my cervix is open and the cramps i was getting were contractions and that i was miscarrying our baby at 16 weeks. since i was so far along they wanted to admit me so i could deliver. hearing this made me cry and basically scream in horror. my parents came into the room and had to hear the news as well. as they wheeled me to the maternity ward all i could do was break down. while in my new room i was told that my uterus was hour glassing meaning that half of it was falling down the birth canal and the other half was staying in place. they then told us that they were going to prop my pelvic area up and my head would be laying down at an angle and i also had to have a catheter put in because i couldn't get up and i had to stay on my back and all of this was in hopes that it would stop the process of what was going on. they began to give me fluids, antibiotics because i developed an infection and a shot that was going to stop my contractions which was a very painful medicine, it made your heart race and would give you the shakes. to help ease the pain they would give me a pain medicine, stadol, that would knock me out and help me sleep. the night went on and in the morning we found out nothing changed and i was still going to have to deliver at that moment my water broke and i knew that was it. they moved me to a delivery room and i had to prepair to deliver my baby at 16 weeks and i had to do this knowing that the outcome would be i was going to lose my child. as time went on i wasn't really progressing so i just had it and told them to induce me. they gave me the medication to do so and the progress happened very quickly. they asked me many times if i wanted an epidural but i refused and just kept on taking the stadol. in the evening hours i was dilated to 4 or 5 and the doctor told me it was time to push because the baby had fell far enough that it was time to deliver. with one good push and having my husband and mom by my side i was able to deliver our son but he was born an angel. i said i didn't want to see him but i not only saw him we all held him and saw how he had his daddy's lips, face shape and just basically looked like him and he had his mommy's nose, big eyes and was more than likely going to be light complected. our little angel Alvaro Jr was born may 24,2010 but not only was he born that day his mommy and daddy's lives were changed, his grandparents lives, his uncle and aunts lives, just basically everyone who was waiting to meet him. we gave him a proper burial on may 29,2010. every day is a challenge for us and every day i think of him. all i can do is hope to see him one day and be able to carry him, kiss him and hug him. till that day all i can do is cry and hurt for him. i hope as time goes on this will get easier but i know we'll never forget that little face, hands, feet, and body. as each day goes by Alvaro and i try to find the strength to go on and try to live a normal life but most of the time that feels impossible. all i can tell myself everyday is "why our son?". i know only time can heal but at this moment if seems like that is just a saying. all i wish he knew was his mommy and daddy loves him more than life itself. we love you baby!!!